Here it is! The Season Premiere of X-Factor USA. Our Judges Panel consists of record executive L.A. Reid, pop star Cheryl Cole, talent magnet Simon Cowell and his partner-in-crime, choreographer Paula Abdul. Hosting is Steve Jones. Who will rise? Who will fall? And who will win a recording contract with Epic Records worth 5 million dollars? ... It's time to face the music!

Recap after the JUMP ...

First up is Rachel Crow (13), who we have seen quite a bit in the promos, performs "Mercy" by Duffy. She's got quite the personality, very cute and spunky, and the most adorable smile in the world. Performance-wise, I was a bit underwhelmed (not a word). It was a good song pick for her and she can definitely sing but her vibrato was really annoying to me and seemed a bit out of control. It will be interesting if Simon manages the girls for this season, it might be telling of how far some people want her to make it. As expected, 4 yeses. She leaves the stage jaw-dropped and stays like that for 10 minutes or so. Heehee.. - VIDEO


Next is Terrell Carter (36), Cheryl and Paula immediately likey. He is sings "Ribbon In the Sky" by Stevie Wonder. Very amateurish and bland, nothing special or mind-blowing. The Judges give him 4 yeses, alrighty then. - VIDEO


Ellona Santiago (14) is next, we only get to hear a snippet of her performance. She sounds pretty good for being only 14 years old. Pretty good glory note, 4 more yeses and she moves on. - VIDEO


John Lindahl (14) comes on stage, he brought a lot of fan-girls from his school. He sings "Forget You" by Cee-Lo Green. His voice is quite average and boring for his age, but it doesn't stop the Judges from approving him. He goes backstage and drowns in a sea of 40 girls and cardboard signs. - VIDEO


The ridiculous hotel performer Siameze Floyd (30) is next, he wants to be a mega-star and have his own energy drink named Siamenergy. Ok then! He comes across as the love-child wannabe of Michael Jackson, Prince and Sanjaya Malakar. In my opinion, he can't sing. He goes back and forth between "singing" and interpretive dancing, he is jumping all over the place. He rips his jacket off to reveal to us a lovely fishnet t-shirt. He then makes matters worse by trying to go for a high note, then doing a combo of headbanging, jumping, spinning and doing 10 splits in a row. He finishes it all off by running on his knees, which looks like he's trying to run in carmel sauce, and then convulsing on the stage floor. At this point, I believe he thought he was auditioning for "So You Think You Can Dance". L.A. Reid votes "no" based on originality, thank God. The other 3 judges are fascinated by him and want to see more. Ugh... - VIDEO


Duo Dan & Venita (70 and 83) are next, they've been married for 2 years (wtf) and would love to tour all of the senior centers in the Country if they win X-Factor. I'm sure they are totally what Simon Cowell had in mind he decided to gamble his stint on Idol and 5 million dollars on this show *wink*. They sing "Unchained Melody", I don't even recognize the song. Dan sounds like a bad Tom Jones and Venita is dressed to out-sparkle Las Vegas. Her high notes are horrifyingly embarrassing. I hate to admit I even watched this. The Judges successfully say "No" to them without crushing them. Dan asks "We didn't make it?". Duh. Venita leaves the stage waving at the back wall, does she even realize where she is? - VIDEO

Next up is another duo named You Only Live Once, two girls (15 and 19). One is singing off-key, the other one is going for this goth screamo thing, all while jumping on stage. Screamo starts climbing the skeletal structure of the stage wall. "It's like, you were singing and she swallowed poison." says Simon 4 nos. OMG I laughed my freaking ass off to the point of tears. - VIDEO

Surely, it can't get any worse. Right? Next up is Linda Ofstrofsky (61) aka Jetta. Why is her nickname Jetta? "Cuz my real name is Linda and there's always a bunch of Lindas." she explains... How clever of her. She's dressed as a giant Dutch elf, I think. She murders "I Touch Myself" by Blondie and makes me begin to wonder how many horrible auditions we can have in a row. Needless to say, she did not make the cut. - VIDEO

Miranda Singleton is next, she wants to be the next Madonna! So she picks a song by... Katy Perry. Completely off-key throughout "Firework" only slightly worse than Katy Perry singing it herself live. They criticize her performance for the disaster it was. Miranda decides to get into it with Cheryl, always a good move. "You have a bad attitude" says Cheryl. 4 nos. Bahahaha...

College student Simone Battle (21) calls herself "fierce" and wants to have millions of screaming fans wanting her to sign their baby. "I LOVE YOU" yells her dad in the middle of the interview. LOL. She wants to call her debut album "Honey Work" because she likes to describe her sound as "a threesome between a cheerleader, a hipster, and a drag queen". I'm dying of laughter at this point thinking the X-Factor auditions have been hijacked by every Worster in the country. She manages to slightly recover by performing "When I Grow Up" by the Pussycat Dolls, she's the best audition I have heard since the Siameze dance catastrophe derailed everything. Simon really likes her and agrees with Cheryl that she has "massive potential". L.A. Reid completely disagrees saying he is "underwhelmed". Simon asks her to sing something else. She sings part of "Bulletproof" by La Roux. L.A. still isn't convinced. Simone makes it through with 3 votes. - VIDEO


We see a montage of auditions where L.A. and Simon disagree over certain contestants. The only actual audition we partially hear is "Rolling In the Deep" sung by Andrew Muccitelli, he can't be more than 14. No idea if he made it or not.

Charlie Cruzer shows up wearing an alien mask and super long arms singing "I Feel Good" by James Brown. He looks like one of the people in the alien Cantina in Star Wars IV. Not even 3 seconds into singing, he is cut off. No. no. no, no.

Stacey Francis (42) is next. We've seen her in a few of the promos. Her boyfriend was physically and emotionally abusive. She's been told she's too old since she was 30 and that she wasn't talented. Of course she is very emotional. In her condition, who wouldn't be? She performs "Natural Woman", gets off to a pretty good start and then she gets really shouty and pitchy with the high notes. It becomes very annoying and almost unbearable for me. She's leaving it all on the stage but it doesn't sound very good at all. However, it doesn't matter because she has already won over the judges and the audience. Simon calls it "one of the best auditions I have ever heard in my life". I think she deserved to go through but really Simon? 4 BIG yeses. - VIDEO




The auditions now go to Seattle, where Nicole Scherzinger has replaced Cheryl Cole as a judge...

The first audition we see in Seattle is Geo Godley (43), he's an internet blogger, which is code for "loser" at his age. We can tell by the way he's dressed (tye dye shirt with silver jacket and pants) this can't possibly be good. He sings an original song "Mr. Stud". Halfway through the audition he pulls his pants down and reveals his weiner for the world to see and continues for another 30-45 seconds. What angers me is that NO ONE went to escort him offstage and/ or arrest him immediately. I'm fine with people stripping in a private audition setting like AI with the 4 judges but this was an arena packed with over 4000 people, and obviously children were in attendance. Audience members walk out, as they should. Simon just stares while Paula leaves to go throw up. I'd say she over-reacted if it weren't for the fact that I also got nauseous and took a 20 minute break from the show. I can only take so many crappy auditions. L.A. recovers from delayed reaction and says it was "offensive, disgusting, distasteful, upsetting... Get him out of the building please." and he leaves... - VIDEO

Marcus Canty (20) is next up. His mom gave him 2 years to pursue his dream before he has to choose another career and the 2 year window is almost up. I'm not sure why his mom is still telling him what to do but anyways... He sings "I Wish" by Stevie Wonder and gives us a nice recovery from the last few trainwreck auditions. I really like his voice, it's nice to hear a smooth vocal on this show. The audience loves him, he tears up and lays down on the stage to take it all in. All the judges praise him, Simon says he's "One to watch" L.A. basically tells him that he is the next Bobby Brown. He advances to bootcamp unanimously. - VIDEO


3 member boyband The Anser is next, after singing "Happy Birthday" to Nicole, they do an acoustic version of "Rolling In the Deep" by Adele. I personally think they are a bit shaky and pitchy but they're the best group we've seen thus far. 4 yeses, they go through. - VIDEO

Nici Collins (23) is next and she looks like she has potential. That is proven incorrect in the next few seconds. She's horribly pitchy and her high notes are similar to a rubber duck being run over by a semi-truck. She then stops the audition and asks to do another song. After failing to gain the judge's approval, she went on to rant in the white room for 10 minutes and then stalk Simon in between shoots. Fun fun fun. - VIDEO

T for Two (31 and 54) is next, they are a mother/ daughter duo and go onto murder "Livin' For the City". Simon goes on to make cow jokes after they leave the stage. Lol. After Darren Michaels proves to us he can't sing at all, he shares his creepy "Heh Heh Heh" laugh with us, which is the best part of his audition, aside from Simon imitating it. Which is hilarious. The Sonnets, a group of 30 or so female singers come on the stage to sing "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap and cannot harmonize to save their lives. The judges almost immediately say no.

Last of the night is Chris Rene (28), he hauls trash and has a 2 year-old son. He tells the judges he just recently got out of rehab and has been clean for 70 days. He sings his original song "Young Homie", he's a little off in timing with the song and he's not really singing but the words are very sincere and touching. They definitely saved the best emotional audition for last. Simon makes sure that Chris agrees to stay on the straight and narrow path before he says "yes". The judges send him through unanimously and Chris walks out just trying to soak it all in. I definitely like Chris and his story, I just wonder if he has what it takes to make it beyond bootcamp. - VIDEO


For me, this episode was a real disappointment. Especially for being the premiere of a new show. It's gotta be the worst season premiere I have ever seen. No one has given me chills or made me tear up in a good way or defined what "The X Factor" is supposed to be. I can only hope the coming episodes are less-nauseating.

Ashley Sansone (27) is the first to go tonight, she describes herself as "unemployed, starving artist", she is quite fashionable and likes to talk... a lot. She gets on stage and starts rambling, something about not just wanting to be some "cornball" who "sings songs about gummy bears or something.". She goes on to talk about Adele, spending her rent money to get there, making a difference, wanting to live in the 70's but not live in the past. The judges finally get her to sing, she sings "Piece Of My Heart" by Janis Joplin. She kinda sounds like a drunk Cookie Monster, I can't hear a word of what she is saying. The Judges quickly say "no" and move on. - VIDEO

Next is Chanel Simone Dixon, who comes up and sounds horrible. She is absolutely delusional and doesn't go quietly. She is followed up by Country Trio Kanan Road, who are essentially Rascal Flatts wannabes. They start with off-key harmonies and are soon halted by the judges, they are sent away. One of them says "This isn't the last you've seen of Kanan Road!" as they storm off stage. Cajun what? Anyways...

The Dreamgirlz are next, they are another mom/ daughter duo. They perform "Barracuda" and from what we see, they do a whatever-ish performance of it. The Judges eliminate them, which really angers one of their male family members, who goes into a swearing tirade backstage before they leave. - VIDEO

Marissa Hopson goes up next and murders "DJ Got Us Falling In Love Again". Embarrassing and not much else to say. 4 nos.

16 year-old Caitlynne Curtis walks onto the stage and performs a piano version of "Firework", I personally thought she was a little shaky but I liked it and thought she deserved to go through. The Judges did not think her voice was good enough and eliminated her, she breaks down crying and Paula goes on the stage to comfort her and send her off. Yet, that Siameze guy gets through.. Unreal. - VIDEO

No one has gotten through all day and Simon is getting extremely discouraged. Nick Voss (21) walks up and performs "Trouble" by Elvis Presley. I like him as a person but I don't care for his singing style at all. He has a very strong stage presence, however. He sounds like he's trying to directly copy Elvis' singing style and it is just not working. Very shaky vocal performance. Simon, desperate to just put someone through, totally raves about his performance. They advance him to the next round. - VIDEO

Ashley Deckard (14) claims she can see ghosts when asked if there is interesting about her. While Simon acts weird about the whole thing, Paula says she knows what she is talking about. Simon asks her to bring some of her ghost friends to the stage, if she can. Ashley sings "Price Tag", really pitchy and boring. The Judges give her 4 nos. The X-Factor editors then go on to make it look like ghosts are messing with the stage lighting after she leaves. Big pile o' whatever. - VIDEO

Marivana Viscuso (55) is an ex-music teacher but she seriously looks like a witch. She goes on to do a very shouty version of "Summertime". The Judges put her through, Simon claims to have felt like he was under a spell. Can we drop the fake haunted thing yet? - VIDEO

2 Squar'd, a group of 4 women (24-28) come up and perform an original song. This is really the first good group we have seen audition. It's nice to hear people singing in key on this show. The Judges approve of them unanimously. I can personally see them going to the live rounds. - VIDEO

Next up, we get teacher Kendra Williams (32) from Mississippi. I have never heard of the song she sang before, but she performed it very beautifully. Very nice and soulful country voice. I absolutely loved it. "You have a gift that is not to be wasted." Says Nicole. The Judges all say yes. Why the hell are all of the good auditions less than 40 seconds long? - VIDEO

Brendan O'Hara is up next. His chances of advancing are already good because Nicole is obviously drooling over him. I don't quite remember his entire audition so I will update it later. Brendan is followed by Jeremiah Pagan (22), who is a male soprano. "There is only like 7 in the world." he claims. That comment dumbfounds me. He performs "Try It On My Own" by Whitney Houston. Another solid audition. 4 yeses.

Miami wraps things up with 18 year-old Melanie Amaro, she performs Beyonce's "Listen" from Dreamgirls (not with a Z) and absolutely freakin' nails it. This is officially going down in my book as the best X-Factor audition we have seen yet. The audience is going crazy, you would think that Melanie just won XF and this was the coronation song. All 4 Judges give her a standing ovation. L.A. tells her she has the X-Factor, Nicole says is in tears, "This is why I do this, people like you inspire me... You made a believer out of me.". Paula says it is unlike any audition she has ever seen before. Simon says that when he took this risk to bring XF to America, he did it hoping he would find someone like her. 4 HUGE yeses. I think Melanie could definitely be the one to keep an eye on this season. - VIDEO

17 year old Jonny Rogers starts things off in Dallas. He is really obsessive with his hair, which is similar to Justin Beiber's. "I feel I had it first and I feel like he took it from me" he says. After watching his mom try and control how he wants his audition to go, Jonny finally steps onto the stage. Simon immediately asks "Do you know who you look like?", Jonny responds "Oh no. Wait, Justin Beiber?", L.A. jumps in "Actually, no". Jonny's surprised, he says "Oh, okay.. Who?" "Barbie's Boyfriend... Ken." replies Simon. He is spot on about that, it's kind of eerie if you think about it... Jonny goes up and sings an original song. His voice isn't anything amazing, he forgets the words to his own song. Simon describes him as a Justin Beiber doll gone awry. The Judges decide to say "no". - VIDEO